UBC CPD eLearning

The Ethics of Emotional Responsibility in Relationships

Sponsored Ads:
Looking For Czech single men or women? Try Loveawake free dating site:

With great power comes great responsibility.” ~ Uncle Ben, Spiderman: The Movie

And before him, some especially insightful fellow/fellowess who probably died penniless but who’d be happy to know that some 100’s of years later, their words would help others.

I’ve been jostling back and forth with a particular notion lately. It’s one that has affected everybody at least once at some point in their lives.

So, this idea for which jostlage has occured is the idea of responsibility. Moreso…responsibility when it comes to other people’s feelings and emotions in the context of a relationship. The only way to get straight to the heart of what I’m discussing is to lay out an example. Watch closely.

Donquestejuan meets young lady. Let’s call her Shareefa. They begin a courtship of sorts. There is no discussion of a commitment or anything, yet their actions and dates signify that they might could be heading somewhere…together. However, it is clear that Donquestejuan’s feelings for Shareefa are far more intense than Shareefa’s feelings for Donquestejuan. Donquestejuan, in his love-induced stupor, maintains doing the things he would to show her he cares, and Shareefa is accepting and even encouraging of such behavior. Unbeknownst to him, Shareefa is dating other people, etc. Donquestejuan finds this out, asks her what’s going on between them and if they are headed anywhere to which Shareefa indicates that, currently, she doesn’t want more, nor can she give more…and had Donquestejuan not been stuck in a love-induced stupor, he might realize he wasn’t getting much in the first place. However, she still wants to continue seeing Donquestejuan because she loves the time they spend and the attention he adorns upon her. He is devastated and jumps out of the second story window of his basement apartment and breaks his toe. The end.

Yes, I’m aware that was long and probably could have been shortened. But are you aware that in the time it took you to read that last paragraph, somebody’s car was stolen in this country?! Don’t be a statistic. Get insurance.

The more you know.

*ding*

Now, I know that in all truthfulness here, Donquestejuan’s predicament is largely his own making. Potentially he didn’t see the signs and was so caught up in his own romantic thoughts of a future with Shareefa, that he was just blind to the facts being laid out before him. However, Shareefa was encouraging of him to fall into this stupor. It was one of appreciation for her and adoration and other words that begin with the letter “a” that mean good stuff. She didn’t want to lose that so she might not have been 100 percent forthcoming with information and simultaneously encouraging of him to essentially, fall in love with her.

This all begs the age old question, how responsible should Shareefa be for Donquestejuan’s feelings in this matter? You see, as people, self-interest is our taste du jour. We are, at our core, the most self-interested, agenda-toting, personal pleasure concerned, bastards on the planet. I know everybody wants to think that they are great people and their heart bleeds benevolence, but in all honesty, even in our most generous of moments, there is a hint of self-appreciation in it. Which is why people want credit for the things that they do. It is human nature and there is nothing wrong with that. So maybe it is non-sensical to think that anybody should bear the burden of considering another person’s feelings in their own dealings.

But…

…if you are aware that one person is head over heels in love with you and you do not feel the same way, should you consider the other person’s feelings and just cut them off?

I guess generally speaking, how responsible should we be for other people’s feelings?

What say you?