UBC CPD eLearning
The Wife List
What the hell constitutes “wifey”? It seems like guys only give this designation to who they consider to be the pick of the litter, but when i look closer, this term is thrown around arbitrarily and it’s confusing as hell.
What base characteristics does a chick need to possess to be given this “esteemed honor”?
–t.k.
Six words: a perfect ass to waist ratio.
Seriously though, I receive a variant of this question at least once a week. Unlike women, who each seemingly keep industrial sized laundry lists of attributes and characteristics that a man should posses to be “husbandly” in their f-buddy overnight bags, our (read: “mens”) definition of “wifey-type” characteristics has proven to be somewhat elusive and ambiguous.
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Wait.
This is a lie.
Our definition has always been very un-elusive and unambiguous, and will always be. in fact, if unelusiveness and unambiguousness were “complete post-presidential election irrelevance” our definitions would be Michelle freakin Malkin.
Although we’re a pretty varied and nuanced people, here are three transcendent qualities that most men will agree that all “wife-able” women possess. Educate yourself.
1. Morning attractiveness
obviously, what’s deemed “attractive” is a mostly relative term, but for a women to be given the “wifey-type” designation from a guy, she usually is one that he can picture himself waking up next to for an extended period of time.
this is actually related to the reason why many women claim to only get sincerely approached when they’re looking their worst (ie “in a t-shirt, ponytail, and sweats at the supermarket”). men know that this image, not the one when she’s at the club rocking 8 inch stilettos and her homegirl’s sweater puppy and bootymeat revealing bcbg dress, is the image he’ll see most of the time, and we bag accordingly
2. Unpretentiousness.
Lets put it this way, if you asked 100 happily married men to describe their wife, i’d bet a year’s supply of ky that one of the first things out of most of their mouths will have something to do with “down to earth“. Ppos’s need not apply.
3. Being Ray Allen.
in the summer of 2007, perennial nba all-star Ray Allen pushed to get traded from the seattle supersonics. Tired of balling in relative obscurity for a non-contending team, Allen wanted to be moved to a team with a better shot of winning, even if it meant sacrificing his own statistics.
He landed with the boston celtics, and took a role on the team that saw his production drop almost 30 percent. Because of his self-inflicted personal decline, he was able to be a vital cog in the machine that won the 2008 nba championship.
When men give the “wifey-type” designation, there’s a huge distinction between the ray allens of the world, stars willing to play a role if needed, and the Gil Arenas’s of the world: wildly entertaining stars that you’ll never, ever, ever go anywhere with. While the Gilbert Arenas’s of the world might use their unbelievable sex appeal to get extra onion rings to go with their chicken fingers, the Ray Allens of the world get rings on their fingers.
Obviously, there are other characteristics (possessing loyality, high libido, being compassionate) that most men consider synonymous with “being wifey”, but the three I just named basically cover the gamut.
I hope this answered your question, t.k. maybe, just maybe, one day, you might receive the wifey-type designation. Until that day comes, though, chill on them extra onion rings. Regardless of how much “morning attractiveness” you might have, no guy’s gonna want to wake up every morning next to a chick who smells like v.e.g.’s bathroom.